Dead Memories
by Affynity
Summary: My My Vane3131 dedication for 200 reviews. She chose the topic I just put the Affynity spin on it! Enjoy. Eric remembers after Hallow removes the Curse...


A/N:Here we go Vane! This is for you girlfriend. Your revamp became an obsession and sooooooo much fun. My musical inspiration for this little ditty into fucked up SVM angst was Sugarcult – Memory. I had a hard time deciding which POV to do this from, but I hope that it lives up to your standards dollface. Affy.

~VANE3131~

Who knew that ushering in a new year would become the culmination of the best and the worst emotional roller coaster. The ride was full of highs, lows, and uncertainties. I had my New Years resolution to remain unharmed I fully intended to stick to my guns on this. It wasn't like the cheesy resolutions where you promise yourself that you will loose that 10 pounds and nothing happens when you renege on your vow. No, this was serious in all the time that I have been caught up in the supernatural world I have more battle scars than I care to remember. I wanted to remain whole to remain Sookie Stackhouse telepathic barmaid and I sent out a silent prayer that all of my well wishes for myself would come to fruition.

I knew from the moment I stopped my car that my resolution was as good as broken. There before me was the object of my constant confusion and usually frantic some kind of anger. Eric Northman Sheriff of Area 5 half naked and barefooted running down my road in what seems a state of confusion and frantic with Fear.

_Fear?_ _The 1000 year old Vampire that is so full of confidence no matter what the hell the situation is is fearful. What has caused this severe change in his demeanor?_

Knowing that if the shoe was on the other foot and I was the one running down the road crazed half naked and out of my mind and Eric was the one to find me that he would not hesitate to pick me up and make me feel safe and comforted. So, I did just that as gently as possible I urged him into my car and drove him to my house intent on getting to the bottom of the current dilemma surrounding my involvement with all things supernatural. As I pulled into my drive way I regretfully let go of the resolution that I had made mere hours ago knowing that taking on this responsibility did not bode well for my pain free future.

Seeing Eric visibly changed from the sure of himself charismatic Vampire into the scared little boy in need of copious amounts of comfort snapped something inside of me. My need to protect and nurture him and be his shield just as he had done for me was an overwhelming NEED. How many times had he in some way taken care of me it might not have always been ideal, but it is the thought that counts. How many times had he put himself in the line of fire at the risk of changing himself? Why should all the things that he has done for me be one sided? Stackhouse women are not weak and I will rise to the occasion and be what he needs. Indecision is not and has not been an option for quite some time in my every day life. That could lead to far more permanent changes in my state of health. Namely deadly changes.

The first night was anything but boring. I had a Vampire clinging to me for dear life refusing to be left alone with his most trusted confidants was a little unnerving. He clutched my pants like a shy child I am sure if he was shorter he would have tried to hide himself behind me. If the situation wasn't so serious it would have been comical. Pam was in a perpetual state of shock that her maker insisted that I stay with him. I believe that she thought it was a ploy to get into my pants. If I had not seen him for myself first I might have believed her implications.

The week that followed left me in a state of blissful ignorance to the outside world. There was no area business, near death experiences, or facetious fangbangers. Eric and I shared so much of ourselves in the hours from dusk til dawn. I had become the center of his vampire universe and he accepted it wholeheartedly. This Eric was like a newborn vampire feeling as they do when they first rise made. He was unafraid of the feelings that he felt for me and I was most assuredly closer to his tender side able to share my feelings just as easy. The words I love you flowed freely from my lips. In the end we reciprocated everything and became lovers spending the majority of our free time making love after my best shower ever.

As the days wore on we found out the cause and effect of the curse that he suffered from. Hallow Stonebrook and her brother had set up shop in a deplorable neighborhood of run down storefronts. The magic hung heavy in the air for blocks. I was supposed to tuck tail and run once the battle started, but I have never been spineless. Stupid most definitely but no one would be able to claim that I possessed a yellow streak. During the battle I had a few close calls but when the dust settled we were victorious and Hallow was captured.

Eric had been adamant about his devotion to me claiming that he would leave it all behind and be a regular man with a regular job to be my protector and provider. No matter how much I wished with all of my heart that I could accept that, it wasn't who he really was. I made the decision to let him go and hope for the best. My heart and my head were at war. If I was a selfish bitch which my heart wanted me to be I would have agreed on the spot, but my head was practical the one time that Eric's pragmatic tendencies wore off on me it was detrimental to my emotional health.

Although the war was won and the witch was captured Eric insisted on accompanying me home. In hindsight it was the best decision he ever coerced me into making. Debbie Pelt decided that she was going to exact revenge upon me for Alcide's blatant lies. Without reiterating the gory details lets just say I survived the encounter thanks to a very swift vampire. The culmination of his existence since we met was to take bullets for me and he did just that. I have begun to wonder if he's like a secret service agent that swears to lay down his life for the president in the line of fire. I have become a killer. It was self defense, none the less I still took a life. Eric discarded of her car and body while I cleaned up the crime scene that was my kitchen. It looked like a first rate horror movie complete with brain matter.

That last night of ignorance is bliss was a tedious affair. Upon his return it wasn't far from dawn and we retired to bed. I woke with a heavy heart my decisions were weighing down on me like the weight of the world. As dusk drew nearer and nearer I became more nervous and fidgety. I heard him emerge from the hidey-hole in the spare bedroom and had a strong urge to faint dead away. Bolstering myself I turned the knob to the door and took a tentative step into the room. Eric was perched at the end of my childhood bed with his head in his hands. He looked up when he heard me approach with a look of utter disbelief smeared across his gorgeous face.

"Sookie I remember. I remember everything."

His tone was like a dagger twisting in my heart and yet hope filled my every pore. I was unsure if I should stand my ground and hear him out or shut him out and pretend I had no earthly idea what he was referring to. I wanted him to scoop me up and tell me that everything was going to be alright and be as it was but I know that it just isn't possible.

"Eric I am sorry.", tears stung my eyes and the pain in my soul was unbearable.

"Lover why do you apologize? You are filled with grief and regret. What have I done to cause these emotions to swell within you as they are?"

"I knew better. You are beyond my reach. The brass ring that is set a few bars too high. I want nothing more than to be your comfort and your hope, but it will tear me apart and leave me broken in your wake. That I can not take."

He crossed the room in two strides and scooped me into his arms as I was hoping he would.

"You are wrong. So, so wrong", he whispered into my hair as he tightened his grip on my body securing me to his chest.

"These things that I feel they are real. If anything that bitch of a witch made me see that we wasted much too much time playing a dance of feigning interest. You are mine I will never let you go again. I meant the things that I said. It would be a surreal change to be without any political clout, but for you I would."

"Eric NO! The bad ass Viking Vampire Sheriff is more than a tiny part of the man that you are. I could never be cause for your resentment toward me in the future if you realize or decide that I am no longer what you want. I resigned myself to let you go and I will if that is my only option. I would love to tell you give it all up and become the center of your world as we have been, but I know it would cause you great pain."

"What is your plan then? To pretend that we never had this time? To run from me? Sookie when I am with you I feel almost human again. If my dead heart could beat you would be the cause. Don't you see that no matter what we do WE are CHANGED! I feel your loss you want this. To be mine. As I want to be yours. You are always fighting the wrong decisions. Your turmoil rules your heart and your head. I do not plan on letting you shut me out. I refuse to return to the way that it was before. I don't want that. I know that you don't. Stop this."

His hold never lessened. He held me tightly and reverently as I cried and sobbed into his shirt. I cried for every loss that I suffered my entire life and the ones that I had almost caused with my stubborn refusal to let him make his own decisions. Oh how the tables have turned and I was the high handed bitch in the relationship. How is it that we can never maintain or find solid common ground? I clutched him as if he were my lifeline in a stormy sea. And he was my emotions were drowning me threatening to engulf me and harden my heart to my refusal to bend.

"Eric?"

"Yes, Lover?"

"I really meant what I said. We can try this..whatever it is we have, but I will not let you drop everything you worked so long and hard to achieve. I was so afraid that you were going to reject me. Disbelieve and disallow your actions over this last week. Last night I gave you away. I sealed my self off knowing that it was for the best. I really was just about to loose everything and let you walk away from me."

"Have I ever let you down before? I make you angry sure. But I have never knowingly been cause to make you cry. I HATE it when you cry, I let you ruin my shirts. Why Sookie are you certain that I would tear out your heart and stomp on it?"

"Fear. It is a hard thing to overcome. Also unlike you in the last week I had both sides of the story and know both sides of your coin. Uncertainty and fear are powerful emotions that will wreck even the best of situations. And this situation was hardly ideal. You are powerful, strategic, and pragmatic. Those are the Eric that I base everything on not the gentle, loving, and mostly scared Eric. You were filled with fear. I saw it on your face. I heard it in your voice. You were so unlike the Eric that I knew you endeared me to you without even knowing you were doing it. And that is the loss that I was mourning. When I walked into this room you were mourning the loss of the Vampire Sheriff. I couldn't live with myself if I was the sole cause of that look on your face."

"You let me worry about that Dear One. If you are against me giving it up I will find a way to make this work. WE will find a way to make this work."

He stood and carried me into my bedroom and shut the door with his foot in a fluid motion. He kissed me gently and with all the love he could muster. He was sealing our deal and reenforcing his love and devotion to me in this kiss and it washed over me like a tidal wave. I would have happily drown in these uplifting emotions. Unlike the ones that threatened to drag me into the undercurrent and sweep me into depression a little over an hour ago. I returned the kiss with fierce acceptance and promise. He lifted his head and rested his forehead against mine. His eyes were full of love and hope a reflection of mine staring back at me in a deeper shade of blue.

I wound my hands in his hair and pulled his head to the side revealing his neck to me. My breath was hitched from our kiss and expelled from my lungs in short uneven bursts landing on the alabaster column. I sucked his earlobe into my mouth and a feral growl erupted from his throat. The sound thrilled me and washed away any apprehension that I was feeling. We were finally in the present and on the same page. I refused to dwell on the past and what-ifs.

He laid me in the center of my bed and hovered over me looking intently at me as if he were memorizing every inch of me. Hell he very well may have been doing just that. Any other time I would have become uncomfortable under his scrutiny. The loss that we could have experienced pushed it out. He landed at the foot of the bed and pulled me by my ankles to him. He sunk to his knees and unbuttoned my slacks shucking them from my body and down my hips in slow methodical movements. He pulled me in a sitting position and slowly raised my Merlotte's shirt over my head tossing it to the floor to join my slacks.

I was exposed to him save the tiny scraps of fabric that covered my most intimate areas. I laid back and he covered me with his strong body and I welcomed the weight that I thought I had lost. With each hand on the side of my face he caressed my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. When he swept one across my lips I sucked it into my mouth and nibbled on it with my teeth refusing to relinquish my hold on his skillful digit. He descended upon my neck attacking me with soft kisses and feather light scrapes of his fangs coaxing moans and purrs from my lips. Those lips left a trail of wet fire from my neck to the crest of my breasts that were spilling from the bra. Suddenly he was on his knees between my thighs palming my breasts testing their weight in his hands. Rolling his thumbs across my nipples causing them to harden into raised pebbles under his firm yet delicious touch. His movement was a lesson in slow torture as he refused to move from my gloriously tanned peaks until I was begging for him to do so. He smirked at me and my pleas fell on deaf ears. Lowering his head he took a nipple into his mouth the lace and satin adding to the tingles of anticipation. Switching to her companion he changed his method and nosed into the fabric bunching it together he eased it ever so slowly downward with his teeth. When his cool tongue met with my over heated flesh I half growled half screamed into the night.

"Lover", his words humming into my overcharged skin causing goosebumps, "I fully intend to enjoy you at my pace. Why rush perfection."

With those words he slunk down my torso kissing, nipping, and licking his way southward. He planted wet open mouth kisses on the underside of my breasts working from left to right causing my heart-rate to increase exponentially. Once the proper homage had been paid to the girls he nibbled his way to my bellybutton swirling around it with his tongue before dipping inside the cavern for an extended taste at my skin. He raised his head and blew a stream of cool air onto the wet spots that he had left in his wake. A full body shiver started in the base of my spine and shot from head to toe at the exact same time causing an almost violent reaction.

"Eric", I mumbled, "I want you no more games."

"Oh, no Dear One the games have just begun."

I knew then my begging was only going to prolong his pursuit of perfection. I was going to have to buck up and refuse to rush him as I wanted to the moment he laid me on the mattress. His hands found themselves atop my thighs tracing lazy circles closer and closer to my center. I shifted trying to bring his focus away from the game to the touchdown.

"Tsk, Tsk Lover. I really don't need direction, although maybe sometime in the future that might be a fun role reversal. The buildup is half the fun and certainly there are several unknown erogenous parts of the human form that I have not descended upon. For instance", he said as he lifted my arm and traced nonexistent patterns on the bend of my arm, "here I could bring you to several climaxes by stimulating the very soft pliable skin and nerves here in the crook of your arm. Would you like me to demonstrate?"

He didn't wait for my response. He licked a wet trail from my wrist to my elbow.

"Here", he said breathing out in a slow stream, "if stimulated correctly can rival the clit for mind blowing orgasm."

He nipped, sucked, blew and flicked the crease with his teeth and tongue. He wasn't kidding I was close so close to seeing stars behind my eyes. He placed a palm on my abdomen feeling my muscles flutter. Once I was at the pivotal moment he stopped and placed my hand on his. I groaned in sheer frustration at his game.

"There is another spot here", he said flipping me onto my stomach and tapping the bend of my knee, "I rather enjoy this area of the female form. Legs and breasts are weaknesses for me."

He straddled my lower back placing all of his weight on his knees and leaned forward so that he was eye to eye with the crook of my leg. He started the meticulous process of working me to a frenzy in a similar manor to the way he did on my arm. His tongue was dancing with the soft skin. He was performing the tango. He would nibble in random unset pattern and vary between soft and harder bites never breaking the skin, but enough to make me yelp in slight pain. The buildup was slower than before on my arm. He was drawing it out just because he had that power.

"Please. Eric Please. I am on fire."

He stopped and sat up.

"I know you have more to give Dear One. We shan't change course."

With those words I knew I was at his mercy until he was ready to stop the game. The more I said the longer it would take. I was almost afraid to make the slightest noise in response to any of his ministrations. For fear that he would never release me. He flipped me again and tore the panties from my body. Slinking down again he placed kisses in the soft skin at the junction of my stomach and the bend in my lap. Finally, finally I was going to get my reward. He buried his nose in the thatch of curls covering my mons and inhaled deeply several times. Skimming over the most sensitive and delicate parts he worked his way to my left thigh. Nipping a trail from top to bottom in the juncture where muscle meets the bone. WHAT THE FUCK! I heard him chuckle to himself as he felt me become more frustrated. If I thought it would have changed his mind I would have gotten up and stormed from the room, that is if I could walk. At this point I am not sure I could stumble or crawl out of here. He switched sides and copied the movements on the other junction. Trailing kisses from thigh to knee he paused to nuzzle his nose in my femoral artery. Sampling the floral bouquet that was my blood swirling below the surface of my skin.

He moaned, "In your heightened state of arousal you blood sings to me. It is almost too much to resist" , his voice was thick with desire.

Without warning he latched onto my clit and I came with a screaming orgasm. The come poured from my body as if I were an overflowing fountain drenching my slit and the sheet below me. He lapped up every drop that was spilled forth. The freight train was barreling down the tracks and threatened to derail. He worked me with his fingers to prolong the sensations and bit into my thigh then and my blood spilled willingly into his mouth.

"FUCK, FUCK ERIC GOD YES!"

As my body came down from the clouds he sealed the puncture marks and entered my body with a swift thrust to the hilt.

"Så varm, tät och blöt, och min bara min! [So hot, tight, and wet, and mine all MINE!]", he stammered in Swedish, yelling the last word into the night.

I was complete. His strokes were sure and slow just as before. I wanted more. I always wanted more. He swirled my clit with two fingers with slight pressure I was building into another climax. He never changed pace or looked away from my eyes. His fingers on my clit worked faster and faster increasing in pressure until I was no longer able to hold back. I came with such force that my muscles locked and I shook and spasmed inwardly as well as outwardly. I had never felt anything so ground breaking in my life. Eric quickened his thrusts deep yet fast and came with a flourish of Swedish coating my walls with his cool seed.

My breathing was erratic. He withdrew from me and collapsed on the mattress next to me.

"If I breathed I would be panting harder than you Lover. You amaze me every night. I am sure now that I can't give you up", he said as he stroked my hair and pulled me into his side.

"Rest that was a severe orgasm that you just experienced. I am glad that I can bring you such pleasure. For it fulfills me as it does you."

And with that I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep thinking if someone had told me all those months ago when I walked into Fangtasia that I would be the love interest of Eric Northman I would have scoffed and laughed in their face. And now, now I am thankful for the things that I did right to be on the receiving end of this undying devotion and love.

~VANE3131~


End file.
